Awkward

Let me tell you a ‘rising’ story…

When we travel abroad, I always seem be susceptible to random erections which, most embarrassingly, occur during the day, in broad daylight and after utilising some mode of transport. Look, do not get me wrong, I love having an erection. I feel it is, somewhat, the epitome of a being a man. It is such a natural thing and it just feels good… no, great *begins to reminisce of the feeling… then quickly calms down*. Okay, I’m going to stop there, since there is no other way for me to carry on describing ‘the feeling’ without sounding homoerotic.

Obviously I know why men are supposed to get erections and how it happens, I am a man after all. However, what some people may not realise, is that we, as men, often do not have total control over our members, with particular reference to obtaining a ‘hard on’. Seriously, erections can occur for no other reason than, for example, holding in your almost bursting bladder, or perhaps, just releasing a pent up yawn and stretching harmlessly (your body that is, not your penis… because we all know where that ultimately leads to).

As I have previously mentioned, these ‘random erections’ usually occur when I travel abroad. As a result, and as Murphy’s law would have it, the golden rod often, if not always, makes itself apparent just as we arrive at our destination and need to disembark from a vehicle. I mean… come on. Consequently, this results in yours truly, performing some rather odd and disorienting movements, making me look like a hyperactive geriatric, in the hopes of camouflaging my noticeable ‘inflammation’. Thus far, I seem to have successfully avoided any awkward confrontations with family or anyone else for that matter. Whew!

I must confess, I did Google ‘random erections’ for this post. Unfortunately I did not find out anything I did not already know, just the standard information about how it is normal and how you need to love yourself… blah blah. It is not like it is a special ability or anything *grin*. However, I did stumble upon this YouTube video (or rather several) which offers a perfect example of how men do not have control over our members, even in a professional setting. Please be aware, the following video clip is NSFW (Not Safe For Work).

 

Perfect example of a random and uncontrollable erection.

There is another video, of  a similar vane, of Jean-Claude Van Damme getting ‘happy’ on live television. Then again, placed in his situation and doing what he was doing… who can blame him?

*UPDATE* As the interverse would have it, my blog post regarding ‘erections’ was right on the money. Apparently they are back, and as ‘hard’ as ever! Here are a few more ‘lengthy’ links:

Until the next time Milieu Pals!

Oh My 'Chocolate Starfish' Guava!

In the previous OMG post I mentioned the fabled ‘Chocolate Starfish’ and Z’s sudden curiosity with this taboo orifice. As it turns out, she just could not resist finding out some more information pertaining to this somewhat ‘erogenous’ zone. Thus, she proceeded to ‘wall message’, publicly and without tact, some cousins of mine, and hers, on Facebook about their experiences with this ‘bottom feeder’. Her OMG actions elicited the production of this post. 

In all honesty, I cannot see the appeal of inserting any kind of object into ones anus, with the exception of medicinal suppositories. However, even suppositories elicit a result akin to constipation and a sudden explosive build up of pressure which begs for the instant and projectile expulsion of the foreign object – not unlike diarrhoea. I actually have a friend who refuses to use suppositories in the conventional sense. Instead she takes them orally. She argues that it ends up in the same place anyway, so why not?! However, a few friends of mine believe that her recent bout of emergency room intestinal cramps are a direct cause of the oral ingestion of anal suppositories. So, how do you ‘administer’ suppositories?

As far as I am concerned, the anus is simply the expressway used to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’. No more, no less. Obviously, the old adage of ‘different strokes for different folks’ still holds true since I actually know a girl who can only achieve orgasm through anal penetration. A little strange, if you think about it, since the anus is allegedly the ‘male’ G-Spot.

Just another OMG day…

*Update*

Whoopsie! Turns out that the original picture I posted of someone’s tattooed ‘Chocolate Starfish’ was against the Spaces code of conduct and thus ‘Oh My Guava’ was suspended for a while – talk about an "OH MY GUAVA" moment. No worries though, since everything has been sorted and all mishaps forgiven. You live, you learn!