For those who do not know, Vocab101 is my daily attempt to find a new and interesting word which could potentially be used in everyday circumstances. The words I find range from the obscene, to the unbelievably true and, of course, the colloquial. Thus, Hans’ Milieu now has a ‘Wordy Wednesday’.
Each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will take place on Wordy Wednesdays and will contain all the words I have tweeted over the course of one week from the previous Vocab101 session (7 days, 7 new words). Furthermore, each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will contain additional new words which did not make the original cut, but are just as tantalising/disturbing!
McShame – The emotion felt while eating a super sized fast food value meal, alone in your car, before leaving the parking lot.
Bitchnut – When a guy acts like he’s PMS-ing through being bitchy and whiny.
Carbicide – The act of not eating any carbohydrates thus disallowing any ‘carbs’ from entering your body. Essentially carbohydrate suicide!
Urbtard – Someone who cannot spell, often omits vowels (eg: ‘lk’ instead of ‘look’) & usually uses the wrong words to convey meaning (eg: ‘there’ instead if ‘their’). Most children born in the 90’s and onwards are considered Urbtards.
Manscape – When a man trims & shapes the hair on his body, instead of removing it completely.
Eyemuff – Similar to an earmuff, but used to cover the eyes and prevent the viewing of unsuitable material.
Schnarf – To spray one’s drink out of one’s nose as the result of sudden laughter. Also known as the colloquial expression for ‘cocaine’.
Vocab101-isms which missed the cut:
Minge – Loose, shaggy vaginal pubic hair, that is not neatly trimmed, and may be somewhat fragranced.
Mangina – When a man pulls his penis and scrotum back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him), and then proceeding to put his legs together, to simulate the look of a woman’s vagina from the front.
Until the next time “Milieunairs”!
When we travel abroad, I always seem be susceptible to random erections which, most embarrassingly, occur during the day, in broad daylight and after utilising some mode of transport. Look, do not get me wrong, I love having an erection. I feel it is, somewhat, the epitome of a being a man. It is such a natural thing and it just feels good… no, great *begins to reminisce of the feeling… then quickly calms down*. Okay, I’m going to stop there, since there is no other way for me to carry on describing ‘the feeling’ without sounding homoerotic.
Obviously I know why men are supposed to get erections and how it happens, I am a man after all. However, what some people may not realise, is that we, as men, often do not have total control over our members, with particular reference to obtaining a ‘hard on’. Seriously, erections can occur for no other reason than, for example, holding in your almost bursting bladder, or perhaps, just releasing a pent up yawn and stretching harmlessly (your body that is, not your penis… because we all know where that ultimately leads to).
As I have previously mentioned, these ‘random erections’ usually occur when I travel abroad. As a result, and as Murphy’s law would have it, the golden rod often, if not always, makes itself apparent just as we arrive at our destination and need to disembark from a vehicle. I mean… come on. Consequently, this results in yours truly, performing some rather odd and disorienting movements, making me look like a hyperactive geriatric, in the hopes of camouflaging my noticeable ‘inflammation’. Thus far, I seem to have successfully avoided any awkward confrontations with family or anyone else for that matter. Whew!
I must confess, I did Google ‘random erections’ for this post. Unfortunately I did not find out anything I did not already know, just the standard information about how it is normal and how you need to love yourself… blah blah. It is not like it is a special ability or anything *grin*. However, I did stumble upon this YouTube video (or rather several) which offers a perfect example of how men do not have control over our members, even in a professional setting. Please be aware, the following video clip is NSFW (Not Safe For Work).
There is another video, of a similar vane, of Jean-Claude Van Damme getting ‘happy’ on live television. Then again, placed in his situation and doing what he was doing… who can blame him?
*UPDATE* As the interverse would have it, my blog post regarding ‘erections’ was right on the money. Apparently they are back, and as ‘hard’ as ever! Here are a few more ‘lengthy’ links:
- Dancing with the Stars: Boner Edition
- A ‘Handy’ Guide to hiding your ‘boner’
- For those random moments: ‘Awkward Boners’
- Japan’s ‘Penis Parade’
Until the next time Milieu Pals!
Today I was on the beach with cousin of mine and, for whatever reason, our topic of discussion turned to sex, as it always inevitably does. Well… my conversations always seem to end up on that ‘taboo’ topic regardless of who I am talking to. Heh heh!
Today we decided to take some chairs and sit on them near the shoreline, just close enough so that our feet could get tasted by the ocean. With the wind in our hair and the sea at our feet, we began to ramble on about life, love, the universe… you know, general nonsensical stuff. Then, out of the blue, as if we never expected it, a swell pushed a larger-than-anticipated wave toward us. Our nether regions got wet… oh so very wet (not like that you perve… although that is an interesting topic… look out for the ‘Oh My ‘Wet’ Guava’ post, coming soon)! So I, for some odd reason, immediately exclaim "Ah… my ‘johnson’ got wet and is now full of sand" to which my cousin retorted "Your ‘thingy’ only has one hole, ours is like a slot… it starts from the top and goes all the way back to the bottom… sand is the least of your problems". After laughing ecstatically for a few moments and recovering from the freak wave, the conversation continued.
Out of nowhere my cousin asks "So, has anyone played with your chocolate starfish"? After the initial shock of her question I sarcastically replied "Oh yes, that is what every straight guy dreams of". I then proceeded with "Maybe you should give it a try sometime. That way you won’t fall pregnant and it might satisfy that ‘tingling’ feeling in your ass that you get when you look at guys you like". She giggled at that and then we, fondly, reminisced about what a cousin of ours usually says happens to him when he gets scared – simply put… his ‘bum goes in’!
Just another ordinary OMG (Oh My Guava) day.